The other night at supper with my parents, I learned that Bill Gaither’s father worked at a factory for thirty years. Then Mom started describing her work at Amana Refrigeration and showing us the exact motions she made every day. She only worked there for a year and a half after high school, until she had enough for a Chevelle and a movie camera, but Grandma worked on the line and then as a inspector for twenty years (while raising nine kids and helping run the farm). When I think of Grandma, I think I should be a lot tougher. I also think about faithfulness. Not that my grandmother or her generation was perfect, but they were more likely to stick with one spouse and one job.
I suppose there are lots of reasons why the twenty- and thirty-somethings of our generation are more flighty. Family and economy have changed a lot since our grandparents’ time, and faced with (typically) so many more choices, it’s hard to know what to do. My mother’s mother was the child of Scottish and German immigrants. She played piano and did secretarial work until she met my grandfather at twenty-four. Then she made babies and farmed with my grandfather. My father’s mother is French Canadian and grew up in her parents’ general store. She married at fifteen, had my father and his twin at sixteen, and raised six children, following my grandfather through his railroad and sales careers. I’m sure that both grandmothers could have made different choices, but they fulfilled the expectations of their time, just as I fulfill mine: finish college before considering marriage, pursue your dreams, have two or three children eventually.
I’m pretty happy that being born in the ’80s means I could grow up playing hockey with my dad and brothers, go to school as long as I wanted, travel by myself, and feel that I can marry if and when I choose. But then, of course, all sorts of questions arise: “How long should I go to school?” “What should I study?” “Where should I live?” “What kind of job should I look for?” “How much should I allow a man or family to affect my dreams?” As my cousins, siblings, and I enter or approach our thirties, 4/40 have children, and 8/40 “real” jobs (I think motherhood counts as a real job). The rest of us are in school or working in the service industry. Most of us have changed majors or careers several times.
Perhaps by the time we marry and begin more long-term careers, my generation will have a good idea of who we are and what we want. And maybe this will make us happier than our grandparents. Or maybe this indecision, this discontent, will remain with us. And our whole culture tells us to be happy and follow our dreams, so if we’re not blissfully happy with our long-term career or partner, will we change them as we have changed majors?
How often are career and marital changes justified, and how often do we try to justify them?
I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I do think that faithfulness is underrated. We focus on stories of overnight success, expect true love to fulfill all our needs, and consider ourselves above average. By definition, we can’t all be above average. We can’t all be leaders. We won’t always be happy, even with our destined soul mate. So maybe we should try being content where we are. If we have committed to a husband or wife, maybe we should stick with them.
Teaching freshman composition, I have seen a lot of entitlement and discontent. My favorite line is, “I tried really hard, why didn’t I get an A?” Sometimes we try really hard and get Cs. Sometimes it’s okay to be average. You say, “For some people, but not for me.” I know, because I think that too. But the truth is, we can’t all be rock stars, astronauts, CEOs, or the next J. K. Rowling. And that’s okay. No really, it is. I’m not saying the values we’re given are entirely wrong–education, dreams, romance–but maybe we should be more open to commitment, and less inclined to reach for the next great thing. Maybe the main thing is to be faithful where we are.
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Deanna Boulard lives in Louisville, and delights in windows, Bach, and marmalade. She has her MFA from the University of Maryland and worked as a language assistant in southern France. Sometimes she has flashbacks of her favorite views, which make it hard to see what’s in front of her. She would like to live every day aware that “the present is the point at which time touches eternity.”